H Days 7&8: Dressing for Success and Nobel Monsters

So my initial secret plan of posting something appropriate for the Halloween season every day in October is a shambles. Today is the 8th and I've missed 2 days already. But then isn't "the road to hell paved with good intentions"? And what's scarier or more appropriate to Halloween, All Hallow's Eve, than Hell? Perfect, I'm back on track.

On Thursday I had a meeting with a client so I went to work dressed for the occasion, that's code for I wore a tie. I try to avoid doing so at all possible times. I feel the man that invented this arcane fashion statement to be a sadistic genius. It's uncomfortable, restricting, and can easier get caught in all sorts of mechanical devices. Then maybe it was possible that woman created to get even for high heels.

Needless to say surprised my coworkers came up with all sorts of humorous variations on the standard, "Got a job interview today?" Ha, that never gets old, does it? But then on that day the perfect retort came to me. Granted I can't use it again but on that day, at that time it was brilliant.

"No," I said. "I heard the Nobel Prize for literature was being announced today and I wanted to be ready for the reporters, just in case."

I can easily say it brought the house down.

Sadly I did not win. Again.

Who did win in 2011? When I heard it was Thomas Transformer I was outraged? A transformer won the Nobel prize for Literature? You've got to be kidding me.

When do they find the time? Aren't they too busy fighting Decepticons? Do they even need the money? Had the judges been threatened or coerced into awarding this prize? Or did they give it to them to thank them for all the times the Transformers have saved the Earth, and since there is no category for film or animation, they chose literature?

And who was Thomas Transformer? I've never even heard of him. What is he, some weird hybrid mix of train and robot?

That's just silly.

I saw this award as threat to all writers everywhere. Was Superman next year, with Batman or Wonder Woman the following year?

Then I felt a tug on my arm. What? It's not Thomas Transformer? It's Tomas Transtromer, an 80-year-old Swedish poet that some have called Sweden's greatest living author.

Oh. Nevermind.



BONUS COVERAGE (for missing a day)

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It's the perfect gift for this holiday season! Laurie, are you reading this?

http://www.monsterbymail.com/


Now go away, kid. You're bothering me.