Thursday, May 26, 2011

My short story "Charlie Decker and the Last Zombie" has been accepted to be in a new zombie humor anthology by Veinarmor Press.

"Charlie Decker and the Last Zombie" is the story about what happens when the worst lawyer in the world meets the worst zombie in the world. The result could set precedent.

The book will be out in a few months. More info as I get it. Stay tuned.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm Still Waiting

As we have now survived The Rapture, at least the last predicted one, I find myself feeling sorry for those people that actually believed it was coming. They believed so sincerely, so completely that they would be called into heaven that they sold all their worldly goods, quit their jobs, and moved to California. (Why is it always California? Why not Iowa, why not Jersey?) They wanted to go to heaven so bad that they were looking forward to the end of the world, hoping for it, especially praying for it.

I have one question for them.

What made them so sure they would be selected? Isn't it pride that makes you feel you are better than anyone else? And isn't pride a sin? So doesn't believing that you are saved automatically disqualify you?

I know better. I don't want to be better than everyone, just everyone else that submitted to the same anthology or the same publisher I did. Is that excessive pride? Not really, maybe just enough to make a little profit.
(Maybe this would be a good time to read, if you haven't yet, my silly little short story "One Night In Green Bay or Were-Cow? There Cow." now an ebook at Smashwords.

As to foretelling the end of the world? What are the signs a person looks for? The oracles of ancient Rome looked at the entrails of a sheep or goat. Today that's frowned upon in many municipalities. Insects? The cicadas are active once again in the south, but that happens like clockwork every 13 years. Floods, tornadoes, hurricanes? Those could be the result of altering weather patterns due to global warming, if you believe in science. So how does one tell when this life will end and the next begins? Is there an app for that?

I know now it will happen at any minute. I just looked up and found I have 666 emails in my inbox. Excuse my while I go kiss my wife, call my children and tell them I love them, take Rio, our dog, for one last walk...

I have mail!!
667 emails!!!

The world is good again. Thanks you, Dominique Montera, and your life saving, no world saving offer for "the ability to make her cry out in pleasure." Maybe knowing that the end of the world is still out there, hopefully a long way in the distant future, maybe this will have the same effect.

668 emails! I feel safer with every byte.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The CDC posts webpage on survivng Zombie Apocalypse

This week the Center for the Disease Control and Prevention issued a report on how to prepare for the coming Zombie Apocalypse. While the article is somewhat tongue in cheek, it does give a person pause. Do they know something we don't?

I'm preparing my zombie survival kit tonight. Just to be safe.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

It's Alive! Alive!

I have just posted the ebook of "One Night In Green Bay or Were-Cow? There Cow" on Smashwords for the amazing price of FREE! That's right, you saw it with your own eyes. It's FREE!

And not only do you get a short story that won Janet Fox's distinguished Killer Frog Award for most outlandish and overdone writing, you also get an exclusive excerpt of my next publication, "Dr Zombie Lives Next Door" a novel for middle grade readers.
So head on over to Smashwords at and get yourself a copy. It's bad, it's good, you'll laugh, you'll cry for numerous reasons.
Just enjoy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Cow Quotes

"I don't believe that you have to be a cow to know what milk is."
Ann Landers

I give you these quotes in anticipation of my first short story being published as an ebook for Amazon's Kindle. I'm just finishing up the formatting on "One Night In Green Bay or Were-Cow? There Cow." Watch this space for more info.
But before I go, here's a couple of more cow quotes.
"All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow."
Grant Wood
"My cow is not pretty, but it is pretty to me."
David Lynch
One final word of caution. Listening to Kraftwerk while searching for quotes about cows gives the entire experience a very ethereal ambiance.
And I think I saved the best for last.

“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
Dave Barry

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Quick Read Code for this blog

Just added today our Quick Read Code for the Bibo Madness blog. Using an app on your smartphone, take a picture of this image and you will be directed immediately to the home page for this blog. Technological awesomeness.  All I need now is a smartphone.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

"One Night In Green Bay" draft cover

I am working toward self-publishing two of my children's novels as ebooks. But first I thought I might learn the ropes with something smaller, say a short story. That way I can get use to what is required for the larger works and I can resolve most of the many issues that will arise. I want my work to look as professional as to be indistinguishable from a larger publisher.

So I selected a silly little story that was first published as a winner in Janet Fox's Killer Frog Contest. I own the rights again so let's put it out on Amazon at .99 and see what happens.

One of the first things I needed is a great cover. Here is my first draft of a concept I really liked. Take a look. Tell me what you think. Does it get your interest? Does it make you curious as to what the story might be about? (I've been told the secondary title gives away too much, but I think it would attract the kind of reader that might enjoy the story.) Would you buy this for .99? Would you tell your friends to buy this story?

Sunday, May 1, 2011

"The Wrong Side of the Rainbow" Coming Soon

"The Wrong Side of the Rainbow" will be published very soon in Groanology: Amusing Monster Mashups Unleashed by The Library of Horror Press. They have just released an image of the cover. More info as I get it.